Say what you will, but a lady has to be thankful for a bit of time travel...
And for the chance to offer the modern world a bit of charitable and reasonable (no rude noises of dispute, please!) advice from a woman with her feet firmly planted in the 19th century. Let's face it. I may only exist as a fictional character from some ridiculous book about rubies of Renee Bernard's, but that would be a very limited way of looking at things, wouldn't it?
I have much to say! And after only a few days in the 21st century, it's clear to me that there's lots of room for my fabulous opinions and advice on this net-thingy. People seem downright melancholy about the past and so perhaps it's time for a lovely taste of what real nostalgia can bring about.
Me.
So here I am. I am a woman of a certain age, widowed and a bit weathered and yes, I've accepted that I will never sit quietly and eat cucumber sandwiches without complaining. I've accepted that my wild youth is something I'll never apologize for or regret and...that life is far too fun to waste time doing embroidery. But I am EXPERT on love, life and all social dilemmas facing anyone of any intelligence. (People lacking intelligence do not have social dilemmas. They power through them like cows in a flower garden, unaware of the damage in their wake and blissfully ignorant of their own lack of hygiene...so I'm naturally leaving them out.)
Welcome, one and all. Send me your questions, great and trivial, and I will apply all the wisdom I possess to resolving your issues...or sending you packing.....whichever suits me.
Once a week, on Tuesdays, I will post the best ones, and invite you all back for another round.
Pull up a chair. And brace yourself, darlings. This could get very interesting.
All the best,
Aunt Alice
Dear Aunt Alice,
ReplyDeleteI hope this is the right place to post this, but I am in need of some advice. I see you have been helping young Spot (he's sure an odd duck), so I hope you can help me.
I have this acquaintance who I see daily, that is beginning to get under my skin. Whenever we chat it is always about her life and drama. When she asks for advice, I give it, but then she ignores it, asking again the next day for the same advice. It is exhausting being her acquaintance. I keep being sucked into this vortex, and I need to find my way out. Any ideas how I can do this and still maintain a civil relationship, since I do have to see her everyday?
Sincerely,
Lovely Lily
Dearest Lovely Lily,
ReplyDeleteWhat a delightful name! You sound like a very sweet girl and I am glad that you found me! I shall do my best to help.
I myself have a few annoying acquaintances that society requires I be polite to. Civility demands manners but it does not demand that one put up with an emotional lamphrey disguised as a girl. Life is short.
My advice is to, as the pagans put it, stand in your own truth. If she cannot, like all intelligent people, stick to acceptable topics like the weather, fashion and pets then you must tell her that frankly, you are squeamish about hearing details of her sex life and would prefer not to get involved. You may tell her that you (and this is an outright lie but if you smile, it tends to work wonders!) respect her too much to make light of the dramatic turns of her life. Feign empathy and say that it is affecting you too deeply, your worry and concern and that you are losing sleep over her romantic entanglements....it is simply "too stressful for you to bear".
If you need to, allude to a mysterious personal problem of your own, that has made you far too emotionally fragile to bear the burden of her confessions....
And if none of this works, in the next round, tell her that if she has any work related problems, you are there for her. If it has anything to do with anything beyond the doors of your corporate structure, she should call her mother. Mothers love to hear about these things. You on the other hand, do not.
Too brisk? I hate chatty women....
That being said, I have apparently chattered on myself.... for which I am sorry.
Tell the Lamphrey she can always ask advice from strangers...and then point her my direction. I'll sort her out!
Yours affectionately,
Aunt Alice
Thank you for the wonderful advice and suggestions, Aunt Alice. I am starting to use your advice and I believe it's going to work. Luckily, we have a holiday coming up, Thanksgiving and we will not be spending much time together.
ReplyDeleteThanks again for the wonderful advice.
Grateful,
Lovely Lily
Lovely Lily.
ReplyDeleteAh, the American holiday of Thanksgiving! I know all about it! The Chicken Dance, champagne and fireworks! (Or is that a turkey dance....I seem to remember something about a turkey...and an American affinity for fireworks. I certainly hope the two don't get mixed together inappropriately...what a mess that would be!)
Well, I am here with advice at the ready whenever you need it! And you are More Than Welcome!!
Aunt Alice